Plague Dog

I've got the FLU, FLU, FLU and it SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS. As a rule I don't get as sick as everyone else in the world during the cold weather months. I've also made it a point to eat healthier and exercise more to prepare myself for the frailities associated with the onset of OLD AGE. So why, WHY, WHY??????????? have I gotten sick not once, not twice, but THREE fucking times this year? It just doesn't add up. I have now entered my third day of coughing, snorting, wheezing, bleeding, gasping, and reeling. And there doesn't seem to be any end in sight, no matter how many vitamin C caps I pop or how little booze I drink. Could it be that the final throes of death are already upon me?

Seriously, this better no be the fucking BIRD FLU. I hate flying, and what's more, I'm allergic to feathers.