HEX RAY VISION.

From the Department of Too Much Information:

I just took a huge shit. It was thoroughly satisfying. Why am I telling you this? Because for almost a week, there was no movement down below... I don't know what it is about the food at Quintiles, but no matter how much they feed you, there's nothing to show for it... if you know what I mean.

But now, one day of freedom and several cheap beers later, the mail is finally running again. I know you were all very concerned.

One more thing about Quintiles, then I promise I'll shut up about it forever: I didn't make any new friends on this study. I didn't even make connections on a superficial level... There were no whore-mongering ex-crack dealers, no one-fingered white power skinheads, no international black marketeers. The guys on this study were totally BORING.

And irritating, too. For example: one night they all got into a heated discussion about Creationism versus Evolution... Only, nobody was arguing FOR evolution, you see. They were trying to determine who was the most hard-core creationist. Superstitious fucks. Naturally, I didn't get involved, because I didn't want to get burned at the stake as a witch... God forbid any of them should have discovered that I'm left handed.

We were all playing "Scattergories" on night in the rec room. The letter was "Q." The category was "Things That Frighten You." Trying to be witty, I wrote down QUICK (STRAWBERRY). Everybody else in my group wrote down QUEERS. I don't know what sort of MASS TRAGEDY befell these guys at the hands of the gay community, but they all seemed to agree that QUEERS are something we should all be frightened of.

And all of them seemed to like Strawberry Quick, too. Is there something I'm missing here?

THE GORE-GORE GIRLS were fucking amazing last night. Can't really say much for the opening bands, though... There was some grunge-rock casualty called THE LUCKY GRAVES that were so awful, it offended me. Seriously, if I were a touring band, and these guys were the best local opener the venue could conjure up, I would refuse to play. secret_malady seemed seemed especially irritated by them. She sunk low in her seat, simmering with deep inner fury. I could see the HATE-LASERS blasting from her eyes into the lead singer's crotch. Is this what killed the singer to BLIND MELON? I certainly hope so.

I'm off to the bank to deposit my newfound wealth... Have fun in the poorhouse, suckers!