HEX RAY VISION.

From the Department of Too Much Information:

I just took a huge shit. It was thoroughly satisfying. Why am I telling you this? Because for almost a week, there was no movement down below... I don't know what it is about the food at Quintiles, but no matter how much they feed you, there's nothing to show for it... if you know what I mean.

But now, one day of freedom and several cheap beers later, the mail is finally running again. I know you were all very concerned.

One more thing about Quintiles, then I promise I'll shut up about it forever: I didn't make any new friends on this study. I didn't even make connections on a superficial level... There were no whore-mongering ex-crack dealers, no one-fingered white power skinheads, no international black marketeers. The guys on this study were totally BORING.

And irritating, too. For example: one night they all got into a heated discussion about Creationism versus Evolution... Only, nobody was arguing FOR evolution, you see. They were trying to determine who was the most hard-core creationist. Superstitious fucks. Naturally, I didn't get involved, because I didn't want to get burned at the stake as a witch... God forbid any of them should have discovered that I'm left handed.

We were all playing "Scattergories" on night in the rec room. The letter was "Q." The category was "Things That Frighten You." Trying to be witty, I wrote down QUICK (STRAWBERRY). Everybody else in my group wrote down QUEERS. I don't know what sort of MASS TRAGEDY befell these guys at the hands of the gay community, but they all seemed to agree that QUEERS are something we should all be frightened of.

And all of them seemed to like Strawberry Quick, too. Is there something I'm missing here?

THE GORE-GORE GIRLS were fucking amazing last night. Can't really say much for the opening bands, though... There was some grunge-rock casualty called THE LUCKY GRAVES that were so awful, it offended me. Seriously, if I were a touring band, and these guys were the best local opener the venue could conjure up, I would refuse to play. secret_malady seemed seemed especially irritated by them. She sunk low in her seat, simmering with deep inner fury. I could see the HATE-LASERS blasting from her eyes into the lead singer's crotch. Is this what killed the singer to BLIND MELON? I certainly hope so.

I'm off to the bank to deposit my newfound wealth... Have fun in the poorhouse, suckers!

A dream: I was late for a Halloween party and couldn't think of anything to wear. I threw on my black pinstriped suit and ran all over town, searching... I ended up with a sweet chimpanzee mask and a fortune teller's turban. Or was it a fez? Either way, I think I finally have my costume idea for this year...

I'm back at the lab-- AGAIN. This is the last time until next summer. I mean it this time.

Today was the first day of the study. I had to swallow sixteen pills, then they strapped me down and sucked out a couple pints of blood. The good news: nothing else happens for the next five days, at which point I am released with $1300 in my pocket.

I brought a few books along to pass the time:

Shock Value
Edie: An American Biography
Death of a Transvestite
Renegade Sisters: Girl Gangs on Film

I haven't gotten much reading done yet, though... Yesterday saw the apex of a three-day migraine, an eye-splitting joyride that was undoubtedly brought on by withdrawl from caffeine and booze. I slept with a pillow over my face for fifteen hours, and now my skull feels like an empty peanut shell, thin and cracked and brittle.

The worst part is, I slept through TAB HUNTER's tell-all interview on Larry King last night. For shame.

Two nurses were talking over me while taking my blood this morning:

"Antoine just called... They sent me a copy of my mamma's death certificate. And a note."

"What did it say?"

"Said I never bought my mamma nothing that was of no value, and since I was never around 'cept to cause trouble, they don't see why I should get any of the stuff that she had at her house. I'm SO mad, let me tell you..."

"You gonna talk to a lawyer?"

"A lawyer? Bitch, it's on. I'm CRAZY mad. Soon as I get off work, I'm going right over there and starting shit. I"m taking my pony tail down and stepping up."

"You could always just get a cop to go over there with you..."

"No way. FUCK THAT! I'm CRAZY mad. I'm gonna smash up some windows and chairs and shit. You'll like it if I'm not in jail tonight."

Sorry if it seems like I'm ignoring your journals while I'm in here... For some reason, Livejournal is blocked by the lab's internet filter, and I've used up all my computer time today locating a proxy browser just so I could post this. LAME!