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Drawing a blank...
Apr. 12th, 2006 04:41 pmI have so many things to post about, but my brain is running on FUMES right now... I even took the time to outline everything I wanted to say, complete with drawings and witty margin notes, yet I can't seem to wring enough juice from my cortex to put it all together. PITY ME! This is what happens to people when they have to clock in at a time when most people are just stumbling home to sleep off a hard night's drunk.
In summation:
While cleaning out the garage this week (a task that has EXPLODED from a single-afternoon adventure into a month-long ordeal), I found myself FACE TO FACE with one of NATURE'S MOST FEARED CREATURES... A beast more terrible than the brown recluse and black widow spiders I've been desperately trying to gas out (although the sight of those horrid fucking things makes the shit boil in my guts)... I'm talking about the VICIOUS, MAN-EATING OPOSSUM!!!!
(artist's rendition)
During the Great Tornado Fiasco of March, 2006, our chimney cap was swept from the roof of our house. I stuck it in the garage for safe keeping, unsure as to how or when I would ever get around to replacing it (in addition to spiders, I'm also terrified of heights, giant statues, and people with no eyebrows...really). While lounging in storage hell, it accumulated more than it's share of dust and grime, which prompted me to spray it down with the hose last week while I was cleaning stray cat turds from the floor of the garage. I stretched my foot over and nudged the chimney cap to one side, hoping to get a better angle on it--
--which is exactly when THE OPOSSUM STRUCK! It lashed out at me, teeth gnashing, hissing and spitting! I don't know how it got stuck under the chimney cap, I don't know how long it was there... But at some point during its imprisonment, the opossum had transformed from a bumbling marsupial into a KILL-CRAZED MONSTER with a taste for HUMAN FLESH!
My reaction was swift and fierce: I screamed like a four-year-old, ran back into the house, and drank a security beer to calm myself down.
When I returned to the garage, the danger had passed. I was able to continue with my cleaning project unmolested. But I will never forget my chance encounter with death on that fateful April afternoon... and I will always remain vigilant against the fearsome power of nature in this vicious jungle hell!
And now, my new favorite picture:
Discuss.
In summation:
While cleaning out the garage this week (a task that has EXPLODED from a single-afternoon adventure into a month-long ordeal), I found myself FACE TO FACE with one of NATURE'S MOST FEARED CREATURES... A beast more terrible than the brown recluse and black widow spiders I've been desperately trying to gas out (although the sight of those horrid fucking things makes the shit boil in my guts)... I'm talking about the VICIOUS, MAN-EATING OPOSSUM!!!!
(artist's rendition)
During the Great Tornado Fiasco of March, 2006, our chimney cap was swept from the roof of our house. I stuck it in the garage for safe keeping, unsure as to how or when I would ever get around to replacing it (in addition to spiders, I'm also terrified of heights, giant statues, and people with no eyebrows...really). While lounging in storage hell, it accumulated more than it's share of dust and grime, which prompted me to spray it down with the hose last week while I was cleaning stray cat turds from the floor of the garage. I stretched my foot over and nudged the chimney cap to one side, hoping to get a better angle on it--
--which is exactly when THE OPOSSUM STRUCK! It lashed out at me, teeth gnashing, hissing and spitting! I don't know how it got stuck under the chimney cap, I don't know how long it was there... But at some point during its imprisonment, the opossum had transformed from a bumbling marsupial into a KILL-CRAZED MONSTER with a taste for HUMAN FLESH!
My reaction was swift and fierce: I screamed like a four-year-old, ran back into the house, and drank a security beer to calm myself down.
When I returned to the garage, the danger had passed. I was able to continue with my cleaning project unmolested. But I will never forget my chance encounter with death on that fateful April afternoon... and I will always remain vigilant against the fearsome power of nature in this vicious jungle hell!
And now, my new favorite picture:
Discuss.
