Mandatory end-of-week post

While scrubbing the unvarnished wood floor around our computer desk least night, I received a SHOCK of non-electric origin-- A THREE INCH SPLINTER LODGED ITSELF IN MY FUCKING KNEECAP. I tried to pry it out with a pair of tweezers, but only succeeded in breaking it into several tiny pieces... Now there are THREE splinters lodged in my knee, and any attempt to remove them quickly dissolves into a POW camp-esque torture sequence, complete with bleeding sobs and strangled prayers for mercy. This is what I get for keeping my house clean. Some great reward, hmmm?

These things I know:

1) John Waters' comment about Christopher Crawford on the MOMMIE DEAREST commentary track is fucking PRICELESS.

2) I'll NEVER find a cheap lab coat in time to put my Dr. Frankenstein costume together for Halloween.

3) The next time a driver lets his car idle on the crosswalk in front of me, I'm gonna step over his hood like those punks in SUBURBIA.


4) I don't care what the hipsters say: Sophia Coppola is a terrible filmmaker, and Marie Antoinette deserved what she got.

5) Leg warmers will never be cool. STOP TRYING TO BRING THEM BACK!

6) My girlfriend is the coolest person in town. Write it in your diary.