Buttery Goodness
Sep. 13th, 2007 12:26 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
scary_manilowSeptember 11th, 2007:
Vladmir Putin dissolves the Russian Government. Shinzo Abe steps down as prime minister of Japan. Israel resumes its missle bombardment of Palestinian settlements along the Gaza Strip.
Also, Kelly Nightengale and Rob Gillaspie are featured in the latest Lawrence.com "Style Scout."
KELLY'S:
Hometown: Topeka
Age: 38
Time in Lawrence: 20 years (minus a couple years when I lived in Austin, but I came back)
Occupation and/or major: Housing Specialist and part-time musician
What were you doing when scouted?
We were going to see Harvey Sid Fisher at The Replay. On our first date, I played Rob a video of Harvey’s zodiac songs because we had just found out we were both Pisces. So tonight is a sentimental occasion.
Favorite clothing store?
The trash! I get all of my favorite things out of the trash. At this point I have a 20-year collection of old dresses and glasses from almost every era. I can shop in my basement by opening up a box of clothes I haven’t seen in many years. My other favorite place to shop is at my cousin’s house in the country, she’s always giving away old eccentric dresses. I got a bunch of sequined leotards that I was recently able to use in this alien beach party movie we were working on. I also like shopping at all of the used clothing stores and at garage sales.
How often do you go shopping each month?
Hmmm. I suppose I always have my eye out for things when I’m roaming around in the alleys after dark armed with my handheld sequined tape player. Every now and then, though, I’ll totally splurge and spend $75 in one shopping session, but that hardly happens anymore. I never buy new clothes, so it’s pretty hard to spend a lot at one time.
How would you describe your style?
God, I don’t know! I suppose I like to look like a drag queen, like a garage sale drag queen. I have like 40 wigs! My favorites are the beehive wigs. I’m all about bringing back the beehives, in fact my favorite article of clothing is the panties I put in my hair to make my beehive stand up big. A couple years ago, on my birthday, my personal wig dealer sent me a special wig for my birthday. Then I knew I’d finally made it.
What does your style tell strangers about you?
I think I am what the girls at the office would call “a real hoot!” A lot of times people stop me on the street and tell me I remind them of the B-52’s but I don’t know, I think I look more like my grandma…if she were on her way to some kind of psychedelic fun fair.
How early do you get up?
I really don’t have a definite time. If I have to work, I get up early at 8 or so, but every now and then I like to sleep until 10 a.m. and then sit in bed and drink coffee before hanging out with the cats and playing records.
Favorite trend for this season?
Oh my God! Favorite trend? I have no idea. (Laughs) I can honestly say I don’t have a favorite trend. I suppose my favorite trend in my house right now is black velvet paintings, those make me so happy. We found a black velvet tiger; she looks so aristocratic. Our friends Brett and Christine tipped us off on it; it was at Goodwill. I like the informal networks of people who tip people off when they find something in the trash that they know you’d like. “There’s an antique car wine decanter, you should come check it out. “
Tattoos?
Yeah I have several—two birds on my chest and a heart and memorial tattoo of my cat on my right arm. She lives forever on my arm. And I have piercings in secret places.
Where do you get your hair cut, and why do you go there?
Well, I actually go to one of those utilitarian walk-in places where it costs like $10 because I don’t really have a haircut. I have long hair that you cut in a straight line at the bottom. My mom was a hairstylist and always cut my hair, so I’m not used to paying for a real stylist. I should probably go see Andiy at Static and have her fix the terrible highlighting job I did myself.
Is there anything you'd like to see more of in Lawrence?
I’d like to see better public transportation, actually, some good late night public transportation. And I’d like to see a movie theatre that shows old cult movies and serves cheap food like the Alamo Draft House in Austin.
Tell us a secret:
I don’t know how much of a secret it is, but I have terrible performance anxiety. Every time I have to play guitar for The Spook Lights I have a massive dose of stage fright. It took me many years to be able to play in front of other people. I still just about have a panic attack every time! I’ve been lucky to have good people supporting me in all these endeavors.
ROB'S:
Hometown: Topeka
Age: 31
Time in Lawrence: 13 years
Occupation and/or major: Bartender / Entertainer / Professional Crowd Pleaser
What were you doing when scouted?
Going to kneel at the altar of Harvey Sid Fisher.
Favorite clothing store?
It used to be the DAV here in town, until Goodwill, the Wal-Mart of thrift stores, ran it and the Salvation Army out of town. I get a lot of my clothes out of dumpsters. I’m not sure what my favorite store is in town. I usually go to Topeka or Kansas City to hit the thrift stores there. Other stores you frequent? You mean besides the liquor store? Me and (Jenson's owner) Jeff Jenson are on a first-name basis.
How often do you go shopping each month?
I’d say I go shopping about once a month and, depending on the haul, spend anywhere between $5 and $50.
How would you describe your style?
Wait, I’m trying to think of something witty. (Laughs.) Stylish middle-aged delinquent.
What does your style tell strangers about you?
That I have better taste than them and I might cut them. Both of which of are true.
How early do you get up?
Now that I don’t really have a morning job anymore, I try to be out of bed by 9:30 or 10 a.m. I used to be up by 5. If I’m not out of bed by 10 a.m., you know something went terribly wrong the night before. Yesterday we didn’t get out of bed until 1 or 2 p.m., since we’d played a show the night before in Kansas City and were out way later and got way drunker than we intended to. But that’s the life of a professional crowd pleaser.
Favorite trend for this season? Least favorite trend right now?
I’m not much of a trend watcher, I’m more of a trend-setter. So, I’d have to say, from what I’ve observed from my high tower, I’m glad that emo fashion seems to be dying. (Laughs.) You know what else I’m glad is going away is mini-skirts over jeans. I’m glad that’s about to vanish. I like, only with trepidation, that ’60s girl-group-style is coming back in, which has always been a fetish of mine with the big hair and big boots. But, I can’t help but think that Kelly has been sporting that look for the last three years. Once again, trend-setter, not trend-follower.
Tattoos?
Most of my tattoos are stupid. I have a tattoo on the back of my neck that says, “HATE” from when I was an 18-year-old gutter punk and hated society and I wanted to show society by getting a tattoo. Obviously the best decision I’ve ever made. I’m finally getting it covered up next month. A little less negative is a tattoo of me huffing gas on my arm with a banner that says, “Topeka,” which I think is pretty self-explanatory.
Is there anything you'd like to see more of in Lawrence?
More of? Late-night diners downtown. When I first moved here there were at least three and now there’s none. I’d also like to see a decent arcade with skeeball, drive-in movie theatre, and I guess a wider array of thrift stores.
Tell us a secret:
When I was five years old, my class went to see “Savannah Smiles,” this movie about a girl that gets kidnapped by these two rascally backwoods hoodlums, but they are nicer to her than her parents are. At the end of the movie they get arrested and she cried when she has to go live with her sucky rich parents. I cried and cried. I balled liked no one’s business and they had to send me home from school.
And now, a story from my week of bartending:
Monday afternoon, a couple of meth-banging hags slithered through the Replay doors and forced themselves against the bar. One of them had a twitchy eye and several blood-crusted bald spots on her scalp; the other was missing several important teeth in the top part of her mouth. Like every other person I hate in the world, they stepped on the wrong foot straight off and ordered a shot of something called "Liquid Cocaine."
"Do you know what's in it?" I asked.
"How should I know?" one of them gasped. "You're the bartender!"
I shrugged. "Never heard of it, and if you don't know what goes in it, I'm not going to make it."
Her friend shouldered in, impatient and slobbery. "How about Kool-Aid? You know what goes in that?"
"Sugar, water, and powder from a packet."
They looked at each other, did a simultaneous eyebrow-pinch, and turned back to face me.
"Don't you know how to make anything?" Blad-Patch asked.
I shrugged again (I've gotten REAL used to shrugging at my job), then motioned to the row of whiskey bottles on the shelf behind me. "This is a real beer-and-bourbon shot bar, lady. Anything up there look good to you?"
Tooth-Gap licked the space in her blackened gums. "Sex on the Beach?"
"Never had it." At this point, I was just being obstinate. I know what a fucking Sex on the Beach is, I just don't like making them. Mainly because I don't like the people who drink them, and I want to discourage their patronage. This pair of jittery twats, for example. The only way I was gonna make Sex on the Beach for either of them was if the drink recipe called for a shot of draino in each glass. Unfortunately, the fella who wrote THAT particular bartending guide is probably behind bars by now. People don't appreciate a good population-thinning like they used to. So it goes.
They finally settled on Buttery Nipple shots, which I agreed to make in hopes of expediting their departure. Two shots each because, in the words of Bald-Patch, "They'll get you really fuckin' fucked up this way!"
Their faces hovered inches from the bottle as I tapped out a few drops of Irish cream. The shot glasses fogged up under their mutually heavy panting. Gap-Tooth was literally drooling on the bar, but I couldn't tell if it was from anticipation or because of her unfortunate dental impairment. Either way, the counter below her chin had slowly glazed over with a reflective pool of acrid saliva.
I pushed the shots over to them with one finger each.
Bald-Patch rubbed her paws together. "Oh yeah, oh shit, oh boy. This is the good stuff here. Lotsa booze in them Buttery Nipples. They will get you all kinds of fucked up."
I turned my head while they sucked them down. Call it professional courtesy-- I didn't think it was appropriate for me to vomit on the floor while they had their afternoon meal. When I looked back, all four glasses were empty, and Gap_Tooth was smearing a white glob from the corner of her lips.
"Mmm-MMM!" she belched. "I sure do love that buttery flavor! I tell you what, if my husband's nipples gave out that butter-stuff, he'd never leave the bedroom... and neither would I! HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW!" She clutched the bar with all of her might, as if the force of her laughter might send her rocketing through the wall.
Bald-Patch rolled to her feet and helped her friend upright. She looked me up and down with what I presumed to be her best bedroom gaze. "You're fine, but you ain't the finest." They collected their belongings and beat a sweaty path for the door. "We gotta catch a bus to the Crosstown Tavern... that's where the REAL hard stuff is!"
"Hard Stuff"= Crack or Cock? I turned this equation over in my brain as they vanished outside. Thankfully, no palatable answer presented itself. I poured myself a beer and glanced at the empty tip jar and I thought, Ah, well. Sometimes the money isn't worth it, anyway. Then I switched on the TV over the bar and flipped through channels, hoping to catch the end of "Golden Girls." Those ladies on that show, they were a REAL class act...
Vladmir Putin dissolves the Russian Government. Shinzo Abe steps down as prime minister of Japan. Israel resumes its missle bombardment of Palestinian settlements along the Gaza Strip.
Also, Kelly Nightengale and Rob Gillaspie are featured in the latest Lawrence.com "Style Scout."
KELLY'S:
Hometown: Topeka
Age: 38
Time in Lawrence: 20 years (minus a couple years when I lived in Austin, but I came back)
Occupation and/or major: Housing Specialist and part-time musician
What were you doing when scouted?
We were going to see Harvey Sid Fisher at The Replay. On our first date, I played Rob a video of Harvey’s zodiac songs because we had just found out we were both Pisces. So tonight is a sentimental occasion.
Favorite clothing store?
The trash! I get all of my favorite things out of the trash. At this point I have a 20-year collection of old dresses and glasses from almost every era. I can shop in my basement by opening up a box of clothes I haven’t seen in many years. My other favorite place to shop is at my cousin’s house in the country, she’s always giving away old eccentric dresses. I got a bunch of sequined leotards that I was recently able to use in this alien beach party movie we were working on. I also like shopping at all of the used clothing stores and at garage sales.
How often do you go shopping each month?
Hmmm. I suppose I always have my eye out for things when I’m roaming around in the alleys after dark armed with my handheld sequined tape player. Every now and then, though, I’ll totally splurge and spend $75 in one shopping session, but that hardly happens anymore. I never buy new clothes, so it’s pretty hard to spend a lot at one time.
How would you describe your style?
God, I don’t know! I suppose I like to look like a drag queen, like a garage sale drag queen. I have like 40 wigs! My favorites are the beehive wigs. I’m all about bringing back the beehives, in fact my favorite article of clothing is the panties I put in my hair to make my beehive stand up big. A couple years ago, on my birthday, my personal wig dealer sent me a special wig for my birthday. Then I knew I’d finally made it.
What does your style tell strangers about you?
I think I am what the girls at the office would call “a real hoot!” A lot of times people stop me on the street and tell me I remind them of the B-52’s but I don’t know, I think I look more like my grandma…if she were on her way to some kind of psychedelic fun fair.
How early do you get up?
I really don’t have a definite time. If I have to work, I get up early at 8 or so, but every now and then I like to sleep until 10 a.m. and then sit in bed and drink coffee before hanging out with the cats and playing records.
Favorite trend for this season?
Oh my God! Favorite trend? I have no idea. (Laughs) I can honestly say I don’t have a favorite trend. I suppose my favorite trend in my house right now is black velvet paintings, those make me so happy. We found a black velvet tiger; she looks so aristocratic. Our friends Brett and Christine tipped us off on it; it was at Goodwill. I like the informal networks of people who tip people off when they find something in the trash that they know you’d like. “There’s an antique car wine decanter, you should come check it out. “
Tattoos?
Yeah I have several—two birds on my chest and a heart and memorial tattoo of my cat on my right arm. She lives forever on my arm. And I have piercings in secret places.
Where do you get your hair cut, and why do you go there?
Well, I actually go to one of those utilitarian walk-in places where it costs like $10 because I don’t really have a haircut. I have long hair that you cut in a straight line at the bottom. My mom was a hairstylist and always cut my hair, so I’m not used to paying for a real stylist. I should probably go see Andiy at Static and have her fix the terrible highlighting job I did myself.
Is there anything you'd like to see more of in Lawrence?
I’d like to see better public transportation, actually, some good late night public transportation. And I’d like to see a movie theatre that shows old cult movies and serves cheap food like the Alamo Draft House in Austin.
Tell us a secret:
I don’t know how much of a secret it is, but I have terrible performance anxiety. Every time I have to play guitar for The Spook Lights I have a massive dose of stage fright. It took me many years to be able to play in front of other people. I still just about have a panic attack every time! I’ve been lucky to have good people supporting me in all these endeavors.
ROB'S:
Hometown: Topeka
Age: 31
Time in Lawrence: 13 years
Occupation and/or major: Bartender / Entertainer / Professional Crowd Pleaser
What were you doing when scouted?
Going to kneel at the altar of Harvey Sid Fisher.
Favorite clothing store?
It used to be the DAV here in town, until Goodwill, the Wal-Mart of thrift stores, ran it and the Salvation Army out of town. I get a lot of my clothes out of dumpsters. I’m not sure what my favorite store is in town. I usually go to Topeka or Kansas City to hit the thrift stores there. Other stores you frequent? You mean besides the liquor store? Me and (Jenson's owner) Jeff Jenson are on a first-name basis.
How often do you go shopping each month?
I’d say I go shopping about once a month and, depending on the haul, spend anywhere between $5 and $50.
How would you describe your style?
Wait, I’m trying to think of something witty. (Laughs.) Stylish middle-aged delinquent.
What does your style tell strangers about you?
That I have better taste than them and I might cut them. Both of which of are true.
How early do you get up?
Now that I don’t really have a morning job anymore, I try to be out of bed by 9:30 or 10 a.m. I used to be up by 5. If I’m not out of bed by 10 a.m., you know something went terribly wrong the night before. Yesterday we didn’t get out of bed until 1 or 2 p.m., since we’d played a show the night before in Kansas City and were out way later and got way drunker than we intended to. But that’s the life of a professional crowd pleaser.
Favorite trend for this season? Least favorite trend right now?
I’m not much of a trend watcher, I’m more of a trend-setter. So, I’d have to say, from what I’ve observed from my high tower, I’m glad that emo fashion seems to be dying. (Laughs.) You know what else I’m glad is going away is mini-skirts over jeans. I’m glad that’s about to vanish. I like, only with trepidation, that ’60s girl-group-style is coming back in, which has always been a fetish of mine with the big hair and big boots. But, I can’t help but think that Kelly has been sporting that look for the last three years. Once again, trend-setter, not trend-follower.
Tattoos?
Most of my tattoos are stupid. I have a tattoo on the back of my neck that says, “HATE” from when I was an 18-year-old gutter punk and hated society and I wanted to show society by getting a tattoo. Obviously the best decision I’ve ever made. I’m finally getting it covered up next month. A little less negative is a tattoo of me huffing gas on my arm with a banner that says, “Topeka,” which I think is pretty self-explanatory.
Is there anything you'd like to see more of in Lawrence?
More of? Late-night diners downtown. When I first moved here there were at least three and now there’s none. I’d also like to see a decent arcade with skeeball, drive-in movie theatre, and I guess a wider array of thrift stores.
Tell us a secret:
When I was five years old, my class went to see “Savannah Smiles,” this movie about a girl that gets kidnapped by these two rascally backwoods hoodlums, but they are nicer to her than her parents are. At the end of the movie they get arrested and she cried when she has to go live with her sucky rich parents. I cried and cried. I balled liked no one’s business and they had to send me home from school.
And now, a story from my week of bartending:
Monday afternoon, a couple of meth-banging hags slithered through the Replay doors and forced themselves against the bar. One of them had a twitchy eye and several blood-crusted bald spots on her scalp; the other was missing several important teeth in the top part of her mouth. Like every other person I hate in the world, they stepped on the wrong foot straight off and ordered a shot of something called "Liquid Cocaine."
"Do you know what's in it?" I asked.
"How should I know?" one of them gasped. "You're the bartender!"
I shrugged. "Never heard of it, and if you don't know what goes in it, I'm not going to make it."
Her friend shouldered in, impatient and slobbery. "How about Kool-Aid? You know what goes in that?"
"Sugar, water, and powder from a packet."
They looked at each other, did a simultaneous eyebrow-pinch, and turned back to face me.
"Don't you know how to make anything?" Blad-Patch asked.
I shrugged again (I've gotten REAL used to shrugging at my job), then motioned to the row of whiskey bottles on the shelf behind me. "This is a real beer-and-bourbon shot bar, lady. Anything up there look good to you?"
Tooth-Gap licked the space in her blackened gums. "Sex on the Beach?"
"Never had it." At this point, I was just being obstinate. I know what a fucking Sex on the Beach is, I just don't like making them. Mainly because I don't like the people who drink them, and I want to discourage their patronage. This pair of jittery twats, for example. The only way I was gonna make Sex on the Beach for either of them was if the drink recipe called for a shot of draino in each glass. Unfortunately, the fella who wrote THAT particular bartending guide is probably behind bars by now. People don't appreciate a good population-thinning like they used to. So it goes.
They finally settled on Buttery Nipple shots, which I agreed to make in hopes of expediting their departure. Two shots each because, in the words of Bald-Patch, "They'll get you really fuckin' fucked up this way!"
Their faces hovered inches from the bottle as I tapped out a few drops of Irish cream. The shot glasses fogged up under their mutually heavy panting. Gap-Tooth was literally drooling on the bar, but I couldn't tell if it was from anticipation or because of her unfortunate dental impairment. Either way, the counter below her chin had slowly glazed over with a reflective pool of acrid saliva.
I pushed the shots over to them with one finger each.
Bald-Patch rubbed her paws together. "Oh yeah, oh shit, oh boy. This is the good stuff here. Lotsa booze in them Buttery Nipples. They will get you all kinds of fucked up."
I turned my head while they sucked them down. Call it professional courtesy-- I didn't think it was appropriate for me to vomit on the floor while they had their afternoon meal. When I looked back, all four glasses were empty, and Gap_Tooth was smearing a white glob from the corner of her lips.
"Mmm-MMM!" she belched. "I sure do love that buttery flavor! I tell you what, if my husband's nipples gave out that butter-stuff, he'd never leave the bedroom... and neither would I! HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW!" She clutched the bar with all of her might, as if the force of her laughter might send her rocketing through the wall.
Bald-Patch rolled to her feet and helped her friend upright. She looked me up and down with what I presumed to be her best bedroom gaze. "You're fine, but you ain't the finest." They collected their belongings and beat a sweaty path for the door. "We gotta catch a bus to the Crosstown Tavern... that's where the REAL hard stuff is!"
"Hard Stuff"= Crack or Cock? I turned this equation over in my brain as they vanished outside. Thankfully, no palatable answer presented itself. I poured myself a beer and glanced at the empty tip jar and I thought, Ah, well. Sometimes the money isn't worth it, anyway. Then I switched on the TV over the bar and flipped through channels, hoping to catch the end of "Golden Girls." Those ladies on that show, they were a REAL class act...